I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
