Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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