drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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