I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
