Sponge bath it is.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
