I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
