Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize