just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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