I'm so fucking centered right now
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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