shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
