did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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