Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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