he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
