I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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