Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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