she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
why is half of my head shaved?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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