His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
