Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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