I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
