is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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