You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it was like eating out sand paper
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
