Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
