I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
