Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
