A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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