dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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