she woke up with a sticky ear
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
