never play flip cup with pint glasses
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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