i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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