i permit you to call me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
