God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
