someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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