I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
