Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
