1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
