Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
