Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
