That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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