dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
