That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
