What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
