five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Randomize
