you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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