the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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