Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
