So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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