I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
