Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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