Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This is my gift to your gina
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
