I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
