i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
