I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
