if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
