we made out on top of his cat.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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