Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
