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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize