I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
