What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize