I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
