dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
