margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
