my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
