i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my shit smells like andre
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
