saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
