Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
