I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
