I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
