Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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