My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
no, he came in my armpit
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
