I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
