i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
